Tuesday, April 27, 2010


Well Miami, this is the end...sort of! Please review this list of facts:

  • I'm leaving Miami. This isn't so much because I hate it here, but because I've done what I came here to do, and I need to move on with my list of "Things to Do" with my life.
  • Don't tell anyone, but I've kind've grown fond of Miami. As it turns out, when you meet great people and do the things you love, you can find a home in any place. Even if that place sucks as much as Dade county.
  • I'm not done blogging! As I make my move to Gainesville, I will lose too much of my insider perspective to really be an effective writer for IRHM. However, if you've enjoyed reading IRHM you just might enjoy reading Presta Mag! This is my new blog, and one of the most exciting things about it so far is that I haven't decided its topic! It very well could end up being about anything! If that doesn't blow your mind, I'm not sure what will!
  • I'm grateful for everyone I've met down here and for everyone who read IRHM. You guys make me feel good about myself, and I hope that I've somehow helped you all feel good about yourselves. Thats all we really want, right?

So, unless I somehow move back to Miami and survive all my suicide attempts, this is it! But not really, because I'll be writing Presta Mag in Gainesville, and lucky for us you can get the internet anywhere!


Saturday, January 23, 2010

Key Biscayne Memorial Ride.

Cristophe Le Canne was killed while riding his bicycle last week by a motorist in a hit and run accident. As many as one thousand cyclists are expected to participate in a memorial ride tomorrow morning to pay their respects to Cristophe and to raise bicycle awareness. More info here.

Friday, January 8, 2010

IRHM product review: Bern "Baker" helmet

Anyone who has seen me ride anything knows that I'm strangely fond of white helmets. I think it is because I secretly long to look like a rebel soldier.

This fact, as well as my lady-friend knowing me as well as she does, has resulted in my most recent and awesome-est christmas present ever: The Bern Baker.

This fine piece of equipment is super-strong and useful for everything from cycling to skiing to water-sports. On top of all that, it's just about as stylish as a helmet can get. The Bern helmets have a "sink-fit" style of fitting which lovingly cradles the cranium. Plus, the built-in visor is great for keeping the piercing Miami sun out of my eyes, greatly reducing my need for sunglasses or for wearing a cycling cap under my helmet. This is all well and good, but the most ultimately-awesome aspect of this doo-dad is the fact that the winter lining (which can be traded out for a lighter, summer lining) is equipped with built-in speakers! Perfect for jamming out to whatever genius-mix or book-on-tape you've got stored on your mp3 player. Your ears will assuredly be both toasty and entertained.

If I had any issues at all, it would be that the winter lining covers a bit more of my forehead and neck than I'd like. It makes it sort of difficult to keep my head up when I ride. Of course, this is a non-issue with the summer lining, and is largely resultant from my head being about half as long as everyone else's.

The International Bicycle Film Festival: Miami

As we wander from day to dreary day here in Miami, there is little that is exciting enough for us to mark on our South Floridian calendars. The first half of December was a hot and moist collage of sweat. Sweaty bike-riding. Sweaty car-riding. Sweaty getting-the-mail. Sweaty standing-still-for-two-minutes. With all this dehydrating perspiration, it's easy for people to lose track of time. Fortunately for a fair number of Miami cyclists, we had the Bicycle Film Festival to look forward to!

An event that lasted from December 10-12th in Miami, the Bicycle Film Festival (BFF) is an annual, international affair that hits up cultural hubs such as NYC, London, and Tokyo. Since it's commencement in 2001, it has been gaining popularity and steam, expanding its reach to more new cities yearly. The 2009 edition was Miami's debut on the BFF circuit, and it was a fun one. There were dance parties. There were races. Of course, there were films. Although the BFF's true stars were the films, the alleycat race on Saturday was one of the main events for many participants. Renowned race-photographer Lucas Brunelle was there to film, and Miami locals were eager to sweat for a reason other than standing still. Even this blogger was pumped for the main event.

As you can see, I was equipped with all the necessities:

  • racing jersey
  • bulbous white helmet
  • messenger bag
  • smug air of confidence
Unfortunately, all these attributes, including my burning desire for victory, were not enough for me to win. In fact, It wasn't enough for me to finish 3rd, 20th, or even before anybody. To tell the truth, I came in last. "Dead Fucking Last", or "DFL", as many amateur racers might call it. Maybe it was the intense winter heat (contrary to now, where we can expect daily highs in the 50's farenheit), or maybe my smug air was too confident, but I took such trivial things as "maps" and "directions", and threw them out the window. Long story short, I spent something in the order of 15 miles outside of the race's original 20 mile loop. By the time I broke down and called for help, the race was basically over. It was pretty rough, and it made it very difficult to remain either smug or confident. Defeated, I made my leisurely, loser-ly way to the Colony Theater in South Beach.

The Colony Theater is a small but swank theater, which entertained a more-sweaty-than-usual crowd that weekend. Spandex'd cyclists mingled with well dressed cultured-types to enjoy some quality bicycle related films. To cater to the cyclists, BFF volunteers had a free bicycle-valet parking operation going on. I caught Where Are You Go, a documentary which described the four month cycling journey from Cairo to Cape Town called the "Tour de Afrique." As one might expect, it was full of emotion, Africa(ns), and bicycles, as well as some beautiful and startling imagery. A unique film, and worth checking out.

All in all, the Bicycle Film Festival was a much needed burst of excitement for many Miamians and myself, and for a few short days I forgot how much the city sucked. Keep your ears open for information about this year's festival, and check out this flickr stream for more photos from the 2009 event.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The story.

This is the point in time where I cautiously enter the room, somewhat abash. Everyone sits with their heads drooped between their shoulders: hunched over a drink. They are all sipping from the same cloudy bottles. One Sudanese gentleman pours a small quantity of fluid between his lips, allowing it to swill around in his mouth before swallowing. This is no nectar. The grimace on his face makes clear the shocking bitterness. It is the drink of Neglect.

As a loose floorboard squeaks beneath my left shoe, they all turn their heads towards me. The Blog-Followers. They peer over at me, their eyes bleary with Neglect, and it is clear what they want: a reason why. Why have they been forsaken? Why has their been no warning? Why have their been no blog-posts? Without a word, these questions are communicated to me. I'm looked upon with the same disappointment and disdain found in the eyes of a mother as she catches a boy desperately trying to cover himself with his Playboy. When  he finally emerges from the bathroom, the sense of awkward embarrassment is thick in his mind. It is this same shame with which I come before you, the Blog-Followers.

I could brush it off: "I've just been busy. There were final exams, and I had a lot of work to do."
But no, you deserve the truth...
I've been involved in a top-secret excursion to save the world against rabid-laser-wielding-lions. It's been a long, top-secret battle, but we've finally prevailed...top-secret-ly. This is why I've been gone, but now I'm back!

Coming soon! The International Bicycle Film Festival: A detailed look into what this was all about, and an insider perspective of what it's like to be Dead Fucking Last in a bike race (this was me).

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Fucking Word of the Day

I am under the delusion that grad school might be in my future, so I've been stuffing ridiculous vocabulary into my brain as of late. Unfortunately, it seems that I've been created with a design flaw which allows all information entering my brain to promptly exit within the subsequent five minutes. Clearly I need to brush up my memorization techniques.

One method for memorizing terribly useless and dull words is to associate them with things that are worth remembering. I have discovered the ultimate source for applying this tactic.

the fucking word of the day

My new challenge will be to stop myself from spontaneously cracking up while taking the GRE.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Cranksgiving Food Drive Alley Cat: November 21st

To misquote a friend, "There's never nothing to do, this city sucks!" To which I never replied, "Why don't you advertise for an awesomely fun benefit event that involves Miami's citizens in doing something good for their city and it's people?"
"Absolutely, and why don't you help by posting about it on your blog?" were the words that never left his mouth.

Here's the event.

Of the 3 people that read this blog, 2 of you might be wondering, "What is an Alley Cat?" I will give a definition by leading you through a creative exploratory journey into your own soul:

-Close your eyes ( but keep reading...)
-Imagine yourself at the beach, or at least at a coastal city in South Florida.
-Envision yourself participating in a scavenger hunt, harkening back to the joyful days of your childhood.
-Envision this same scavenger hunt, but with a fast bike between your legs, taking place in the streets of your said coastal city in South Florida.
-Envision all the hot people of the opposite sex watching you do this and thinking "damn, I want that speedy person's children."

This is an Alley Cat race.

Be sure to come out, and as always, refer to miamibikescene.blogspot.com for all your Miami cycling needs.