IRHM

Here you are. You sat in front of your computer, clicked yourself a couple o' clickity clicks, and decided to type "ireallyhatemiami.blogspot.com" in your address bar. You might have even typed "http://www.", first. Thats a lot of work. This URL is as cumbersome as they come. You must really hate miami. Or, you might be a friend of mine, being nice. Thanks.

In any case, I just want to apologize about the number of keystrokes that are required to get here. To be frank, although I do really hate miami, I was actually gunning for ihatemiami.blogspot.com. Its a solid word shorter, and a lot easier to remember. Problem is, it turns out that I'm not alone in my hatred for miami. 

http://www.ihatemiami.blogspot.com 

At first I was pleased to see another who's out there spreading the truth. Upon reading the blog, though, all one post of it, I noticed that it hasn't been updated in five years. Furthermore, he grouped all of Florida into his hatred, which just isn't cool.  So, to solve this wordy problem that is associated with my hateful URL, I will propose the acronym "IRHM" to be used in reference to this website. Consider the following scenario:

 You could be standing by the water cooler, where your coworker is lamenting about how he "spent too much money at the Booby Trap and now he needs to use the atm machine." You pull out a gem like this: "I was reading IRHM the other day, and it turns out that Miami was the first city ever to have an ATM. Also, saying 'ATM machine' is redundant."

Pretty cool huh? You know what isn't cool, though? Living here. But! If that's what you're stuck with, I feel it is my responsibility to help you ease the pain as best I can. Stay tuned for super great information, such as: 

• Suggestions for places to go that don't suck. At least not all the time.
  
• Dirty martini reviews.
• Things that I, and other woeful Miamians, do to take the edge off.
• Places to ride your bike that won't kill you.
• Of course, stuff that does suck, so that you can avoid it. 
• General information about Miami that I probably pulled off wikipedia five minutes ago.

Enjoy!

Welcome to "I Really Hate Miami"

Welcome. Before we get started, I'd like to clarify something. My blog's title, claiming that I hate Miami, is not sarcastic. I truly do. I was born in this sweaty armpit of a city, and I have lived here for virtually my whole life. Time and time again, my heart will fill with hope that perhaps it isn't so bad here, only to be squashed in the clamp-like grasp of this greater metropolitan area's evil spirit, leaving my abused organ bleeding on the ground like a kindergärtner's unsuccessful attempt at filling a water balloon. These instances usually lead me to question whether or not this city should even exist, and after much pondering, my conclusive answer to this quandary is always no.  My main source of solace in regards to this glaring problem is that our 305 (and sometimes 786) area code is so close to sea level, that it will eventually be swallowed whole by the steaming hot, ice-cap drinking oceans of the earth. Fingers crossed.

I normally would not consider my disdain for this geographical pimple to be blog-worthy, but today, the first of June, 2009, was the last straw. I was riding to class on my bicycle, when I was guerrilla attacked by a thunderstorm. As to be expected, the weather was gorgeous before and after my half hour commute. As I sit soaked from collar to sock, the sky is blue, and the clouds are sighing gently across the sky, displaying obvious satisfaction in their job well done; thoroughly shitting upon one of their favorite targets. However, fifteen minutes earlier I was being deprived of any one dry spot on my body by rain and the inconsiderate splash of an 8th street driver, causing me to shake my fists at the nearest Pollo Tropical and cry, "I really hate Miami"!