Sunday, September 27, 2009

IRHM...but Panera Bread is rocking my world right now.

There are a number of spiritual activities I engage in while not being force-fed the arrogant, aggressive haggis that is Miami's essence. In case you don't know what haggis is, please reference this self-referencing sentence with a click. Another interesting fact about Haggis besides being:
a) gross
b) the best way to describe what it tastes like to be imprisoned here amongst the palm trees
 is that
c) the URL is worth 200,000 Euro, and up for grabs!

Back to spiritual activities. The most satisfying spiritual activity I engage in (besides writing this blog) is my 7 mile ride to school. It is strangely predictable in that I can always count on it being slightly different each time. Nothing sends oxygenated blood to my brain like dodging through the traffic which is actively sending carbon-monoxide-ated blood to my brain. The best part of this trip, however, occurs in the front yard of a house at approximately sw 97th ave and 46th st. I URGE you to ride by and find it for yourself.

Besides this spirtual activity, there is the lesser one of going to Panera Bread in Sunset Place. This is grand simply because of how everything seems to make sense there. For instance;
-the internet is free and fast
-the hot tea = a hot cup of water with as many bags of tea of whatever flavor I want!
-there are lemons by the soft-drinks
-they will probably never serve haggis

Wasting Time

The best part about tabbed internet browsing is that you can feel productive while not actually doing anything at all. Try it. In different tabs open...

-your email
-your other email ( you know you have at least 2)
-that message board you always go to
-that web comic you always read
-that internet radio you always listen to
-that awesome shopping website that has the best deals on things you like to buy
-that news site you always read

... and lookit that, you're up to 8 tabs already!

It probably took 10 minutes just to enter all those different usernames and passwords. Within half an hour of mindless clicking, you've gotten absolutely nothing done while feeling relatively accomplished about all the different things you're getting done, and you haven't even started chatting yet.  

Of course, wherever I say "you" in this blog post, I'm actually just referring to "me", and godammit it looks like I really need to spend less time online. 

Still, I'd rather waste my time online wishing Miami never existed, as opposed to wasting my time by existing in Miami. 

Saturday, September 19, 2009


I turned 23 today, and in order to commemorate my 23rd trip around the sun, i'm going to share a few interesting  facts about Miami that also have to do with 23.

.Univision 23 is the biggest spanish tv channel in Miami. Probably because of  "Sabado Gigante!"
.Ronnie Brown of the Miami Dolphins: #23. Also had 23 rushing touchdowns, as of 2008.
.The "Miami 23" is a fishing boat, probably owned by some Miamians.
.AESU is a travel firm that offers an "around the world in 23 days!" tour that starts in Miami.
... So there isn't very much that is interesting that is related to Miami and the number 23. To be fair, it isn't 23's fault. It is Miami.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Flip Flops

Not long ago, while talking to my new friend Steve, I noticed that I could form a line of sight in any direction and easily find one thing I didn't like (eg: palm tree, pot-hole, flip-flops, etc.). Moreover, that thing was inextricably linked to Miami. 

This got me thinking: maybe I should go easier on Miami. 

Then I thought: No, Miami needs to realize that flip-flops are a waste of time already. Get ready for a mega-hate-post in the near future.

In the mean time, if you do happen to wear flip-flops:
b) At least don't buy them from walmart....

Note: these are not my feet.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

IRHM's Official Figure 1.1

I've been back in town for a couple of weeks and of course, the standard afflictions have been getting back to me: insomnia, overwhelming monotony, and the general sense that my character and personality are being sucked from me every minute. It's alright though! Us few Miamians who survive this and still manage to lead relatively meaningful lives tend to discover and create avenues for achieving "happiness", or as I like to call it; "choking it down."

On that topic, I figured that I would take this time to share with you a couple methods that I like to use for "choking it down," by using a few figures.

Figure 1.1: Gin and Tonic; This little whipper-upper is a fure shire way to take the edge off.

"Arthur's Gin n' Tonic:" 20 oz. tumbler. two parts gin, 1 part tonic, 1/2 lime, and the 4th season of  It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Alternatives to Arthur's Gin n' Tonic that are considerably more socially acceptable can easily be found at your local chain-restaurant-bar-and-grill, or, if you're willing to stick your neck out, a place not unlike Fox's Lounge.
I freakin' love this place for two particular reasons: Gin and tonic (please refer to fig.1.1) and their Rueben Sandwich. I love it so much I'm probably going to do an IRHM Official Review of it sometime soon.

Figure 1.2: I forgot what went here because Figure 1.1 (please refer to fig.1.1) worked so well.